To Do

First Published August 22nd

Ive got soooo much to do before June 1st. When we set the date, I had 12 months to prepare. Its already late August, and Ive done, basically, nothing. Having a budget of about 4p is not the best way to plan the wedding of the summer, so I'm waiting on news vis-a-vis when I'll next be getting some spendoolies. But enough of my finances, lets get on with this here To Do list....

1) Lose weight. I'll fit into a petite little frock if it kills me! The treadmill is out 3 times a week, much to the kitten's distress. They want to play on it with me, but with them being bonkers I know they'll end up jammed into somehow, so they have to be evacuated from the room for a few hours while I pound away the pounds, so to speak. Still, it'll be worth it. Once I'm a married woman, I can live on ice cream and chocolate muffins, because Tom will have agreed to love me anyway mwahaha...

2) Grow my 'fro. This hairstyle is doing nothing for me, other than that whole clown-chic look. I have 10 months to grow it, so it shouldnt take much work on my part. It kind of grows itself. I'll leave it to its own devices....

3) Speaking of the 'fro, I need to decide on a colour. Blonde is my summer colour, brunette is my winter colour, which dictates that - as its a summer wedding - I should be blonde. Right? Wrong. Blonde is fun, a bit cheeky and youthful, but Im supposed to be entering married life. And I look a bit better as a brunnette. Its one to think about. If I wear white, and I never tan (so i'll be paler than a glass of milk) and have platinum blonde hair, i'll be practically invisible! Bad times. Hmmm, I should create a census. Or maybe just ask Tom which colour he likes best ("Whatever love..... green? yeah yeah whatever....." *attention goes back to TV*)

4) Take my piercings out. I know this sounds like a very simple thing to do, but I love my piercings. Yes, they're sometimes uncomfortable, and sometimes painful when I accidently knock them, and very immature looking.... But I love them. They make my face interesting. Especially my nose stud. Ive had that for years. But I need to start married life with a mature outlook. So the lip stud definatly has to go (again). The nose one stays, ive just decided. I'll take it out for the day though. But the lip, well. Once its out, its out. And im sure as eggs is eggs not having it re-pierced. Ive had the painful procedure done twice now. A third time is borderline sadistic. It will be a sad day.

5) Find a tattoo cover-up solution. Im thinking gloves. But thats very Horse Rider/ First Holy Communion. I have 4 tattos on my hands and wrists. This will not do with a frock. Maybe I could just glue my bouquet to my hands... or reschedule for a winter wedding and have a muff (ooerr). Or just have a muff anyway.

6) Train the kittens to sit still on silk pillows. Well, a girl can wish!

7) Teach myself not to smile like an over-excited fool. This may be the hardest task. Either that, or get Botox to stop myself smiling like a loon on loon tablets all day.


Just for larks, I'll put up Tom's To Do list (which, obviously, I have had to devise for him)

1) Have a shave. Please.

That should do it....