Anyone fancy a glass of merlot?

I know I have just written a new post, but it was a bit on the ranty side, so I thought I should cheer up proceedings by giving some good news to my loyal subjects.

I have come across many a problem with this wedding planning lark. Who to invite, where to have the wedding, even which country to get married in! But one problem has blighted me more than any other.

The dress.

As you may remember, I went to a massive effort researching the dress. Colours, lengths, materials, prices. Sleeves or sleeve-less? Lace up or zip? Even black or white! I considered the lot.

I even bought a dress last year. A short, white silky number. Cheap as chips but very nice indeed. But with the wolves at the door, I took it back for a refund. At my most miserable, because I couldn't even afford a £30 wedding dress, I returned to my research. This led me far and wide. From one side of eBay to... well, the other side of eBay. Theres only so many times you can look at the same awful lacy lilac suit-dress before you give up completly. I was just resigning myself to the fact that I would be wearing a bin bag down the aisle.

But then, Christmas became a time for miracles! Victoria, my Maid of Honour, donated £1000 to the wedding fund! The search was back on...

I tried everywhere, God knows I tried. I looked high, low and inbetween for the perfect dress. But it was Tom who made up my mind. Like so often before, I was dithering and being stupid, so Tom took it upon himself to apply a bit of calm to the proceedings.

My dress is a secret. Length, material, colour. I will not divulge it to a soul. Except my bridesmaids, who were with me when I bought it. And Tom, who suggested it in the first place. And someone Tom works with whom he told before I made it clear that its a secret. Anyway, the point is, I HAS IT!!!

Its perfect too! It didn't cost the earth, the style makes the most of my, erm, curves, and the material is to die for!! We even managed to get a matching waistcoat and cravat for Tom, along with the rest of his suit!!

But you can't know anything about it until May 28th. So ha!

XxX

I don't care how many times you "like" my status, you are not coming to my wedding.

And so, as the snow of January melts away into the slightly warmer February, its time to take stock look at the positives.

I cannot proudly claim that this wedding is good to go, but I have managed to get some stuff done.

For example, I decided to stop ignoring those invites and get them done. So I spent 3 hours the other night signing and sealing, all I need to do now is deliver them. And what with the price of stamps being what they are, I think the hand-delivered approach might be best.

But this threw up another problem. Well, not another problem, more like brought back to life a problem I had hidden at the back of my mind. I refur you to Woody and Co. I know I said that Im not inviting them, but what does that mean? Not much if they are told "oh, your invite must have got lost in the post. I did tell them to invite you, so you must be invited. Just turn up at this time on this date...."

One main thing that is starting to get on my nerves is Facebook. Well, not Facebook itself, but certain people I have stupidly accepted friends requests from. Shes one of those people that I have been forced... sorry, "advised"... to invite. She is not coming. This is fact. Apart from the fact that I don't even know her, she keeps "liking" my status, everytime I mention anything even remotly related to the wedding. As though shes trying to say "I like weddings. I like them so much I had my own last year. I even like to like status' about weddings. But I don't like you enough to have invited to to my wedding. But I like your status."

Well 'eff off! If she turns up, I will be very annoyed. As for Woody and co, I think Im going to have to handle that in a more mature manner. Namely, get a bouncer. If your names not down, you ain't comin' in!

On the plus side, the invites do look brilliant. OK, they havnt been made by a proffessional printer, and they didn't get the royal seal of approval or anything, but given the materials and budget I had to hand, Im pretty pleased with them.

Anyway, enough about invites. Lets get working on having something to invite them to...

PANIC STATIONS!

Its a new year, and that can mean only one thing. Thats right! Patronising adverts about dieting, quitting smoking and "yoghurt that loves your tummy". God I can't wait until February when they stop harping on at me!

But yes, its a new year and we are drawing ever closer to the wedding. I have the funds, I have the groom and - most importantly - I have the file on my laptop marked "TO DO LIST! DO NOT IGNORE!"

Its all well and good writing down what I need, and where to get it, and why I need it... but I really need to get out there and do-ooo-ooooooo it! But theres just so much to do!!

Theres is only one thing that is not on the list, and that is because I have no idea where to start. I need a dress. I know ive ranted, raved and down-right shouted about needing a dress but I just cannot find one for love nor money. Nowhere sells wedding dresses! Only little wedding boutiques where the snooty shop assistant looks down on you for getting married. And they try and justify the ridiculous prices by saying stuff like "its the most important day of your life" and "you only get one wedding dress". Well screw them. I refuse to even go in those shops. When you finally find a dress, you say "I'll try this on" they come and dress you in it?! "Oh thanks, Ive managed this far in life on my own... walking around, feeding myself etc but I still need someone to DRESS ME!?"

I get very angry about shops like that. So ive been trawling the big department stores. BHS, M&S etc. But for some bizarre reason, those stores seem to believe that everyone who gets married must be in their 50's, because all they sell in the "bridal" section are ivory two-pieces and lacy suits! Not to mention £30 for a tie! OK, they label it as a "Cravat", but all in all its just a strip of material! So that has not been very viable as an option.

So where do I turn next? I want simple, affordable and white. Its not brain science or rocket surgery is it?! So I have turned, once again, to the internet. Again, more snooty boutique websites with classy photos of size zero models in their dresses. No thanks. Department store sites? Yes, actually, they have the odd nice dress for the right price. Pointless though when they don't have a delivery service, and their only bridal department is in a store in Milton Keynes!

I really need to knuckle down and do something drastic. I've got 4 months to find what I need. 4 months! Think about it. Ive been planning this wedding for 7 months, and NOTHING has been done! So what am I going to manage in just four short months?! not bloody much matey!

I need to get some serious shopping done.