General Ranting - Normal Service Will Be Resumed Shortly

The preview invites have been sent, with wonderful reviews. A triumph, darling, a triumph! So the final few are ready to go into production on the factory line. By which I mean me setting aside a few hours, getting the glue stick out and trying to stop cat prints from appearing over everything. If you recieve an invite with a big huge paw print on it, think of it as Merlin's way of confirming your high status as a wedding guest.

However, I am still pondering certain aspects of the wedding. First of all, I am wondering when, and if, I will have a say in - well - anything. I have kindly been furnished with a guestlist. So my original one will be scrapped. Apparently.

Do I get to choose my own dress...? Well, yes and no. I can look at as many as I want, but if it costs more than - say - a fiver, I can whistle for it. And I can't whistle. Or ride a bike, according to Tom. Just because hes never seen me do it, it doesn't mean I can't do it. He's never seen me asking Merlin what he thinks about some rather garish design on 60 Minute Makeover, but it doesn't mean I don't do it.

You didn't read that.

Anyway, back to wedding planning. So far, so bad. I have invites detailing where and when the wedding will take place - but nothing much more than that. Yes, the day is booked, but we have yet to serve our notices. And we have a reception, but no forms of entertainment. Or means of getting there. Or any decorations. Or a cake. Or favours. Or, well, anything, other than the room.

I can't just not have music. But I am very picky about my DJ. I don't want to be listening to Agadoo all night, or watch my beloved Nan try to do the Macerena.

And if "Oops Upside Your head" comes on, I will fire him on the spot.But, again, my DJ has kind of already kindly been chosen for me. How kind.

I just remember the week Tom proposed. We spent so much time going through ideas and unique details. It seems nothing has come to fruition. The date has been changed, the ceremony is not what we expected, and we're holding the reception a stones throw away from our old school.

Not exactly what we spent hours thinking about. Then again, beggers can't be chosers.

But badgers can.

Right, I know what will cheer me up. Im going to have some coffee, get dress hunting and update you when I am in a better mood.

And if im not back in 5 minutes.... just wait longer!

XxX

The Dress? Yeah, about that.....

I have been most busy of late, even too busy to tell you all about such things that have occured in the world of wedding planning. So, here goes....

.......

Yep, that should cover it. No, I jest. Things have, indeed, occured. Firstly, the reception has been booked. And, doubly brilliant, its on the same day as the wedding. Phew! But I wouldn't have got it booked in time without the help of my fantastic parents. Bless them, deeply.

And apart from that? Well, the guestlist has been finalised. Thats right, if you ain't on the list, you ain't comin' in! But if you are making the effort to read this blog, then you are probably close enough to me to expect an invite in the post.

I did ask Tom "Would it be cheeky to send our christmas cards in the same envelopes as the wedding invites?"

He said yes, it would be cheeky. But stamps are an absolute fortune, lets be honest. And what with most of our nation's beloved posties spending the next few weeks on strike, I'll be lucky if the wedding invites make it anywhere past the sorting office before May, let alone the christmas cards!

Still, the invites design is finalised too. I designed it myself, of course. When you get yours, be sure to know that it took me hours to make them! That is how much I love you all.

Anyway, what else has happened? Not much. Only the dress situation. And by "situation" I mean "I no longer has" (I know that is improper use of language, but refur to Lolcats for more information...). Yes, dear reader, the dress is no more. For bills needed paying. And the only way to do that was either (A) Take the dress back and pay the bills or (B) use the dress as a blockade to keep the wolves away from the door. And wolves vs silk was a battle too easy for said wolves. So the dress is back in the shop. Booo.

One of these days, I will own a nice thing for more than a week or two. But until then, dear reader, I remain dress-less.

And so, The Hunt Continues.....

Save The Date

Today was a normal day. Tom got up late, the cats have destroyed something and I am, well, doing what I do. Anyway, it was a normal day until Tom said "Pass me the phone". Out of the blue, he rang the registry office and booked the date. Just like that.

Casually. So, thats that. The date is, in fact, booked. Its not the 1st of June anymore because the function room we want is only open on Fridays and Saturdays (Why? God only knows!) and June 1st is a Tuesday.

So its now the Friday before it. 28th of May 2010 at 3.30 in Sheffield Registry Office. Be there or be square!

On a plus note, its the day after Toms birthday, so I know he'll never forget an anniversary. Well, he'd better not, if he wants to see the next birthday.....

The Dress. I Has It.

It was pay day yesterday which means, naturally, I went shopping with Tom. Not that we go shopping every pay day, that would be silly. But, I was promised that, on pay day, we would go and buy The Dress.

So, did the shop move? Was it even still in stock? Had I gone off it? No, is the resounding answer to all of these questions. So yes, I have it. I can't quite believe it myself. I havent even booked the date yet, but Ive got all of the dresses. People will ask why I got them so early, but I am ready with an answer.

I bought the bridesmaid dresses about 3 months ago, or 1 month after we got engaged. Why? For many reasons.
1) I get over excited easily, and simply couldn't wait to get started on the planning.
2) The dresses were exactly what I was looking for, so why wait for them to be sold out or replaced with something awful?
3) Budget is everything, and - bearing in mind I had 3 of them to buy - I paid a very reasonable price for them.
4) If I had bought them closer to the time, there is a slight chance that one of my guests could have worn the same dress, which would be highly embarassing for all involved.

The same can be said for my dress. It was exactly what I wanted, it was within budget and, because it is not "technically" a wedding dress, there is a chance one of my guests could have worn the same dress.

Although, whoever turns up to someone elses wedding wearing a white dress shouldn't be allowed in if you ask me. Thats the rules at my wedding. Hello, welcome to the ceremony. You're wearing a white dress... Go home and change. Now.

Except me, of course.

So, that is WHY I bought the dress. But, I still want to carry on talking about it, purely because I can.

However, there is a slight fly in the perverbial... They only stocked the dress two sizes smaller than I am on a bad day.... Yes. That was very silly of me. I bought a dress that I can't fit into unless a miracle happens and I lose weight. But, Tom looked me in the eye last night and said "You can do it, I know you will."

Bless him. The only problem is, I think he was talking about the fact that I was also considering altering the dress.... "you can do it" may refur to my needlework skills. Either way, he has faith in something, so I'll go with it for now.

Another problem.... yes, I know! I made out this was the best dress since Liz Hurley went mad with the safety pins, but it does have some problems I will be the first to admit. Firstly, as discussed, it is too small. Secondly..... It shows quite a significant amount of leg. By which I mean, my leg, not a false leg sewn onto the back or something... No, its quite short.

That sounds awful. Its not a mini-dress or anything. Its not like I'll look like a Geordie on a friday night. I just mean its not ankle length. "Below knee", I would describe it. So, yes. My legs. Need I remind you all how much I hate them....? Plus, this means shoes. Nice shoes. Because I wont have a big dress covering my feet, I can't just stick on a pair of slippers or something. So, I need nice shoes.

I am not like most women. I hate shopping for shoes. If I see some nice shoes whilst out shopping for other things, I will buy them (funds willing). But I hate going out with the sole purpose (see what I did there...?) of finding a certain shoe. I can never find the right one. Black shoes for school.... could never settle on one pair. But, as soon as I bought some mediocre black lace-ups or something, I would spot some lovely little black ballerinas or something. And the school year was ruined.

So I hate shoe shopping. White shoes are impossible to come across, unless you live in Essex. White stillettos are everywhere. But thats not what I want.

So the search continues. Dress - Check mate. Shoes? Come back to me on that one.

Why Mr Warren May Ruin My Wedding Day...

I don't hate a lot of things.... OK, thats a lie. But there are 3 things I have deep in my subconcious mind that I dislike more than other things.

1) All Saints school. I spent 6 years there that I won't get back. OK, its where I met Tom, and I did leave with 8 GCSEs and 3 AS Levels, but still. What else did that place do for me?! Nothing, thats what. It made my teenage years hell. I guess all schools do that, but this particular school is where I went, so it is where I feel most strongly against. It wasn't anything in particular.... well, except one thing....

2) PE. Anyone who knows me will know this about me.... I am a champion in my own sport. That sport being "Getting Out Of Doing PE". Every week a new letter.... I was very imaginative. Bad leg, toes have fell off... arm dislocated.... that kind of thing. They just tutted, and after a while they didnt even bother reading the note. They also didnt notice that every note was in my handwriting, because I didnt make any attempt to disguise the fact that I had written it. PE teachers are not well known for their specialist skills in handwriting analysis... or indeed their skills in reading and writing full stop.

So I would stand and watch - sometimes with a coughing fit when the teacher looked at me because that week I'd said I'd developed ashma or something - and be bored rigid. The sort of people who enjoyed PE made me sick. Tarty girls with their tiny tennis shorts rolled up so you could see their breakfast, and the boys making out that they were world-class javelin throwers at primary school or something... Chavs, basically. The kind of people who are due to appear on Jeremy Kyle right about now. So I would stand around, watching them.

But sometimes, the note didnt work. Yes, it was a very rare occasion. I'd say once a term. But they would make me do PE. And by "they" I mean Mr Warren. Yes, he was the only PE teacher who could read, so he would scutinise my note, throw it away and dig out some awful lost property for me to wear before forcing me to run around like a tosser. I never saw him move very fast. In fact, he was slower than a dial up connection most of the time. But the point is the note had failed me. This is why I hate PE. I was forced to be in amongst the chavs. The sort of people I would walk the long way around to avoid eye-contact with at break times, and I was forced to play mixed doubles with them. That, and because I do not look good in shorts. This is a written fact.

Anyway, PE whilst at school, you may think "oh get on with it, we all did it" and yes, I got on with it. But when I went to Sixth Form I was still forced to do PE. How did that work?! Everyone at every other sixth form or college was going down the shops in their breaks between lessons. Me? Forced to play badminton. Badminton! As a sixth former! Mocked by year 7s, at my age! Its enough to give someone a complex!

Now before you think Im rambling about something pointless, hold on. I am merely setting the scene for some wedding-planning related story.

Yes, the two most hated things in my life have something in common. A sports hall built on the site of All Saints. Yes, when I was doing ICT and there was never enough working laptops to go around, we would ask "Why?". We were treated to a lecture about how the school had spent all of its money on a Chav Hut... The sports hall. So when there were no resources for the science departments, we could look out of the window and see the monstrosity that is the sports hall, with all the chavs playing football instead of being in lessons. And all the PE teachers wandering around like cats who got the cream with brand new sports equiptment, while the science teachers were trying to show us how to do a disection on a disfigured potato instead of a frog.

So Im not very fond of that place. It holds bad memories. But im not a hateful beast, I do love some things. "Bargins" being number 2 (after Tom of course). And yes, a wedding reception at The Sports Hall IS a bargin IE: free if a certain amount is spent behind the bar. So I have to weigh it up.

Do I love bargins enough to have my worst memories relived on my wedding day? Or do I have the principles, and the money, to look elsewhere?

Pass me the phone, I'll book it now.

This is how much I love Tom, and want to marry him. I am willing to go to the place I fear the most if it means I don't have to wait until I win the lottery to marry him. I might put that in my vows actually, so he knows just how jolly lucky he is!



Oh, and by the way, I did say I hated 3 things more than anything, so what is the 3rd thing I hate more than anything else?
3) Ferne Cotton. Smug cow. I bet she liked PE at school.

"Hold me back....!!"

Aaaah Sunday. The day set aside for wedding planning. A day, I was promised by my beloved partner, that would be spent looking at vintage cars, cake toppers and the Hobbycraft website.

10 minutes after starting such planning, we had gone our seperate ways. Tom, back to his lair upstairs to watch another thrilling episode of Heroes, whilst I stared at my laptop in distress. Needless to say, no decisions were made. However, Tom realised I was a bit annoyed at his lack of interest - mainly because I spent the day in a huff, but thats not the point - so we resheduled for today.

Today went slightly better. Tom is, at the moment, back in his lair after a hard days shopping, but still. A few hours of his attention is better than 10 minutes, so we're getting there slowly.

Anyway, enough of this mindless banter. I have only gone and bloody done it. Thats right, the most important thing on my shopping list. The dress.

Remember that dress I told you about? The pink one? Well I'll remind you anyway. I found the perfect dress, and when I went beack to look again, the shop had closed down. Boooo.

However, today I was dragging Tom around and there it was. The shop. It hadn't shut down, it had just very selfishly moved! Moved! Without telling me! I almost had a nervy B over that missing dress, and it was just 100 steps away!! Result.

So, in we go, the hunt for the pink dress is on! Well, the red one was there.... the one I had already discounted for goth-related reasons.... and then there was a purple one in the same style..... nice, but purple? Nah.... aaaha! A black one! Gorgeous! But my bridesmaids are in black, so that would look silly. Where is the pink one?!

And then, without even having my "look-only-for-white" brain in gear (I basically walk around shops, zooming in on white clothes in case I find a bargin dress) I heard it.

"They do it in white"

Tom had seen it first. The dress, but in white! Bloody hell, I didn't even know they did it in white! Or purple, or black, but that is not the point. I completely forgot that a pink one exsisted for a moment of time, grabbed the white one from off the rail and scurried around for the price tag. Its a ladies perogative not to reveal the price of her wedding dress, but I will tell you that it is within budget! Want. Need. NOW!

I was dragged from the shop before I caused a scene by Tom, because he could see my "About To Cause A Scene" face making an appearence. He knows me too well. Thats why Im marrying him.

So, come pay-day, that dress is mine. If its still there. And if I can get Tom to go shopping again. And if the shop doesnt go walk-abouts.... again.

So, back to the shopping list...... (1) The Wedding Dress. Check, double check and a thumbs up.


All Ive gotta do now is, well, fit into it....