Why Mr Warren May Ruin My Wedding Day...

I don't hate a lot of things.... OK, thats a lie. But there are 3 things I have deep in my subconcious mind that I dislike more than other things.

1) All Saints school. I spent 6 years there that I won't get back. OK, its where I met Tom, and I did leave with 8 GCSEs and 3 AS Levels, but still. What else did that place do for me?! Nothing, thats what. It made my teenage years hell. I guess all schools do that, but this particular school is where I went, so it is where I feel most strongly against. It wasn't anything in particular.... well, except one thing....

2) PE. Anyone who knows me will know this about me.... I am a champion in my own sport. That sport being "Getting Out Of Doing PE". Every week a new letter.... I was very imaginative. Bad leg, toes have fell off... arm dislocated.... that kind of thing. They just tutted, and after a while they didnt even bother reading the note. They also didnt notice that every note was in my handwriting, because I didnt make any attempt to disguise the fact that I had written it. PE teachers are not well known for their specialist skills in handwriting analysis... or indeed their skills in reading and writing full stop.

So I would stand and watch - sometimes with a coughing fit when the teacher looked at me because that week I'd said I'd developed ashma or something - and be bored rigid. The sort of people who enjoyed PE made me sick. Tarty girls with their tiny tennis shorts rolled up so you could see their breakfast, and the boys making out that they were world-class javelin throwers at primary school or something... Chavs, basically. The kind of people who are due to appear on Jeremy Kyle right about now. So I would stand around, watching them.

But sometimes, the note didnt work. Yes, it was a very rare occasion. I'd say once a term. But they would make me do PE. And by "they" I mean Mr Warren. Yes, he was the only PE teacher who could read, so he would scutinise my note, throw it away and dig out some awful lost property for me to wear before forcing me to run around like a tosser. I never saw him move very fast. In fact, he was slower than a dial up connection most of the time. But the point is the note had failed me. This is why I hate PE. I was forced to be in amongst the chavs. The sort of people I would walk the long way around to avoid eye-contact with at break times, and I was forced to play mixed doubles with them. That, and because I do not look good in shorts. This is a written fact.

Anyway, PE whilst at school, you may think "oh get on with it, we all did it" and yes, I got on with it. But when I went to Sixth Form I was still forced to do PE. How did that work?! Everyone at every other sixth form or college was going down the shops in their breaks between lessons. Me? Forced to play badminton. Badminton! As a sixth former! Mocked by year 7s, at my age! Its enough to give someone a complex!

Now before you think Im rambling about something pointless, hold on. I am merely setting the scene for some wedding-planning related story.

Yes, the two most hated things in my life have something in common. A sports hall built on the site of All Saints. Yes, when I was doing ICT and there was never enough working laptops to go around, we would ask "Why?". We were treated to a lecture about how the school had spent all of its money on a Chav Hut... The sports hall. So when there were no resources for the science departments, we could look out of the window and see the monstrosity that is the sports hall, with all the chavs playing football instead of being in lessons. And all the PE teachers wandering around like cats who got the cream with brand new sports equiptment, while the science teachers were trying to show us how to do a disection on a disfigured potato instead of a frog.

So Im not very fond of that place. It holds bad memories. But im not a hateful beast, I do love some things. "Bargins" being number 2 (after Tom of course). And yes, a wedding reception at The Sports Hall IS a bargin IE: free if a certain amount is spent behind the bar. So I have to weigh it up.

Do I love bargins enough to have my worst memories relived on my wedding day? Or do I have the principles, and the money, to look elsewhere?

Pass me the phone, I'll book it now.

This is how much I love Tom, and want to marry him. I am willing to go to the place I fear the most if it means I don't have to wait until I win the lottery to marry him. I might put that in my vows actually, so he knows just how jolly lucky he is!



Oh, and by the way, I did say I hated 3 things more than anything, so what is the 3rd thing I hate more than anything else?
3) Ferne Cotton. Smug cow. I bet she liked PE at school.