PANIC STATIONS!

Its a new year, and that can mean only one thing. Thats right! Patronising adverts about dieting, quitting smoking and "yoghurt that loves your tummy". God I can't wait until February when they stop harping on at me!

But yes, its a new year and we are drawing ever closer to the wedding. I have the funds, I have the groom and - most importantly - I have the file on my laptop marked "TO DO LIST! DO NOT IGNORE!"

Its all well and good writing down what I need, and where to get it, and why I need it... but I really need to get out there and do-ooo-ooooooo it! But theres just so much to do!!

Theres is only one thing that is not on the list, and that is because I have no idea where to start. I need a dress. I know ive ranted, raved and down-right shouted about needing a dress but I just cannot find one for love nor money. Nowhere sells wedding dresses! Only little wedding boutiques where the snooty shop assistant looks down on you for getting married. And they try and justify the ridiculous prices by saying stuff like "its the most important day of your life" and "you only get one wedding dress". Well screw them. I refuse to even go in those shops. When you finally find a dress, you say "I'll try this on" they come and dress you in it?! "Oh thanks, Ive managed this far in life on my own... walking around, feeding myself etc but I still need someone to DRESS ME!?"

I get very angry about shops like that. So ive been trawling the big department stores. BHS, M&S etc. But for some bizarre reason, those stores seem to believe that everyone who gets married must be in their 50's, because all they sell in the "bridal" section are ivory two-pieces and lacy suits! Not to mention £30 for a tie! OK, they label it as a "Cravat", but all in all its just a strip of material! So that has not been very viable as an option.

So where do I turn next? I want simple, affordable and white. Its not brain science or rocket surgery is it?! So I have turned, once again, to the internet. Again, more snooty boutique websites with classy photos of size zero models in their dresses. No thanks. Department store sites? Yes, actually, they have the odd nice dress for the right price. Pointless though when they don't have a delivery service, and their only bridal department is in a store in Milton Keynes!

I really need to knuckle down and do something drastic. I've got 4 months to find what I need. 4 months! Think about it. Ive been planning this wedding for 7 months, and NOTHING has been done! So what am I going to manage in just four short months?! not bloody much matey!

I need to get some serious shopping done.